Let me start my blog with a quote from my favorite author Maya Angelou, an acclaimed American poet, storyteller, activist, and autobiographer.
Love recognizes no barriers. It jumps hurdles, leaps fences, penetrates walls to arrive at its destination full of hope.
It was no easy feat to come around, to fully accept the love that I received in my relationship right now. I opened up my heart, tore down the wall and bare my heart out for this man. He is worth the happiness and future that I dreamed off right now and eventually live it in the years to come.
I talked about my previous experience with my last relationship (many moons ago) and how it affected me and how it shaped how I perceive men afterwards. I was cautious. Walking on a thread of the “what if’s” thinking of all the worst case scenarios. Whenever I feel like happy, I always thought the bad things that could, maybe happen and it will rob my happiness away.
I had so many self-doubts, so many what ifs scenarios that kept replaying in my head. It almost ruined the relationship that I have now. I had to stop. I took a deep breath in; overlooked and reviewed all the things that made my relationship now worth the happiness and hope. Let me tell you, it weighed so much more than my self-doubts and insecurities.
I can tell you women who suffered bad breakups and relationship tend to be more pessimistic about future relationships or anything related to guys. Internally–inside one’s brain–bad breakups can lay waste to neurological homeostasis. It affect the part of your brain that dwell with motivation and reward and also your dopamine system, associated with addiction. In layman’s term, when you go through breakups, it hurt the same way they do because your brain processes them just like injuries to your body. It’s really painful. Too painful that you may experience chest pain, shortness of breath, insomnia, and etc.
A quote from Loren Soeiro, Ph.D., ABPP, a psychologist. Whom practices in New York City, specializing in helping people find success, fulfillment, and peace in their relationships and their work:
Bad breakups often instigate long recoveries involving depression, self-doubt, and a reluctance to move on.
Going through breakup was like losing someone to death because you actually go through the stages of grief, which was first described by Swiss psychiatrist Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Those stages are as follows:
To me it actually made sense. A breakup is first and foremost a loss that requires grieving. I remember going through the grieving process for a total of two months. It was loss that I can say now was a waste of time, sobbing, and crying for someone worthless, but I needed to go through the process of grieving or else my ex-bf would have won the fight and will have control over my future and mental health.
If you did not finished going through all the stages of grieving, it is believed that you will never have complete happiness, contentment, or fully recover the ‘loss’ and you may go back and forth between them.
I gave myself the time to heal, the time to celebrate being single, the time to appreciate who I have in my life and to be thankful that I have learned my lesson from that relationship.
There are no real shortcuts to getting over the end of a significant relationship. Good self-care will help you through the times when you feel your lowest, and a sensible restriction of the people, places, and the things that remind you of your ex may help to keep you from feeling that way for a very long.
Open yourself up to new experiences can be a good thing! It alter your perspective and help you put valuable space between yourself and the breakup. Hopefully, you should see the world differently–and begin to feel like yourself again. (That’s what happened to me!)
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step
It may take time to get over a loss but take that first step to moving forward to the present.
When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you. -Lao Tzu
In our modern days, it’s no shock that you will come to a situation where you compare yourself to someone else whom you deemed a competition of some sort.
Sentence is found in a popular version of Lao Tzu’s text from 1988, written by Stephen Mitchell: Tao Te Ching: A New English Version.
This quote is from chapter 8, which Mitchell translates like this in its entirety:
The supreme good is like water,
which nourishes all things without trying to.
It is content with the low places that people disdain.
Thus it is like the Tao.
In dwelling, live close to the ground.
In thinking, keep to the simple.
In conflict, be fair and generous.
In governing, don’t try to control.
In work, do what you enjoy.
In family life, be completely present.
When you are content to be simply yourself
And don’t compare and competed,
everybody will respect you.
When we are content and happy of what we have now and who we are now, there is no point in comparing ourselves to someone else. It’s a self-destruction button that most of us struggle on a daily basis. It is a life-long process to be happy and content of who you are.
Be LESS afraid of what could go wrong and MORE optimistic in what can go right.
I still have those self-doubts about everything, but I do take my time, review my problems and think through it if its even worth wasting my time.
If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.
I had to go through the things I did just to find my spirit back. My significant other can tell you that he’s liking this side of me (treasures me like the gem I am) while I’m loving it!
I hope you do too.
I’ll end this with a quote from Nick Vujicic (the man behind Life Without Limbs ministry.)
You and I cannot see what God has in store for us. That is why you should never believe that your worst fears are your fate or that you will never rise again when you are down. You must have faith in yourself, in your purpose, and in God’s plan for your life. Then, you must put fears and insecurities aside and trust that you will find your way. You may not have a clue as to what lies ahead, but it’s better to act on life than simply let life act on you. – Limitless