My boyfriend and I attended a concert last night. Another “date night.” We–or, should I say him–have been planning it for a week. So you can imagine how excited we were! It was a beautiful night and enjoyed listening to the ’80s synth wave. I never heard such a genre until last night (pardon my ignorance.)
The performers were The Midnight at White Oak Music Hall. It was a beautiful night. It brings me happy feeling whenever I see him being happy and having fun. This is my kind of love. My love for him is so strong, I would want to him to be more happy than I while in a relationship. Shrugs. Don’t get me wrong but he loves me unconditionally (and, I, for him too.) I have always been a giver and I put others before my happiness and well-being and that’s how I am. It has tons of pros and cons, for sure.
It was truly a magical night with him.
This genre is actually a lot of fun. I was truly mesmerized by the performers especially the saxophonist.
The whole night went well until almost at the end of the concert. By chance, I saw his ex-girlfriend passed us in the crowd. She bumped into me. It took me by surprised. My heart jumped. The immediate shock took me by surprised and I remember in my head telling myself, “Oh god, did he saw her? This is going to be an awkward situation.” It made me feel unease.
When I saw her passed by me, I saw it on her face the look of someone who have been watching us for a long time–she knew where we were standing the whole night, envied me, who have been watching her ex enjoying the night. She bumped onto me intentionally…I know it. I felt her grin and gazed. She made her presence known to me. The pang of jealousy coming from her? I felt it.
I don’t know what she want to get out of it. Oh yeah, to make me feel uncomfortable. It worked and even until know I’m unease. Hence, I’m penning this on my blog. I have to release these demons circling in my head like vultures.
How could someone hold so much grudge about their break-up and couldn’t move on to the point to stalk their ex-significant other’s activity. I think it was by coincidence but, I wouldn’t rule out how she planned it all too.
To be honest ever since I have found out about her–few months ago—I have looked into her profile on Facebook and found out that she also have her own blog. She writes her struggles with love, career and her daily thoughts that haunts her.
One of the articles, she penned down her long, last love letter to my boyfriend. Her “acceptance” that he had moved on and found another love (aka me). But I scrolled down her articles, I can tell she haven’t moved on at all, and still holding onto my boyfriend and their “could’ves, should’ves, and would’ves” which is unacceptable because she is still to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend. Little by little. Am I overthinking this? Am I being overreacting and thinking negatively of my current relationship? Maybe, I am. I have reasons though.
And on her recent blog, she penned she finally found her match and God had heard her cries and prayers–to have suffered months in pain and sleepless night to have finally granted her happiness…she penned this on April Fool’s Day. This made me chuckle…several times. When you think about it, if you really want to share your revelations–God’s ordained for you–you don’t do this on a day where every thing you say is unbelievable. I took it as a joke. You could have waited another day and penned your blog but no, you chose to do it April Fool’s Day. She typically share her post on her Facebook blog page too. Every time she post on her blog she shares it on her Facebook page. And this revelation article was not shared on her Facebook…so I had to really investigate it and came to the conclusion that it was a joke.
Just thinking about her makes me uncomfortable. When you break up with your ex and it’s been a year, you should, make the effort to move on and get your life going.
I really don’t know what to do or say about last night, other than, it was a situation where I don’t want to find myself again.
Such bitterness. Such hatred. Such Jealousy. If I ever get to be like her–I don’t want to be bitter like her. There are so many things out there that could bring me happiness than to make my presence well known to someone to make them uncomfortable. Pity is not what I want my life to be known for. My life is more of value and my present and future is more than my past.
I will find my way. I will learn how to love myself again. Learn how to love someone again. Get the going moving. It’s all about the present and future really.
What bothers me more is should I even open this feeling(s) to my boyfriend? Should I open how I saw his ex last night or ask him if he saw her last night too–and how did he feel about it if he did.
Or open up how his ex-girlfriend messaged me couple months ago and reached through me via Facebook to talk to me? She know I don’t want her contacting his family and act like they are her family too. Collecting family is something else especially when your exe’s current significant other tells you to move on with your life and don’t bother her and his family, but you insisted to keep in contact with them. You are lowest of all leeches out there.
I, also, found out that she keeps in contact with all her exes family and stayed in touch with him. Hence, I said “collecting family.” Move the fuck on!
All of these emotions, and demons circling in my head like vultures–slowly eating my waking seconds.
I have time to decide what to do about this, this weekend. If I don’t talk to my boyfriend all these thoughts, eventually I will blow up like a bomb and by then, it will be too late to be nice.
Let me find the courage to open up to him instead of bottling all of these inside me.