I have been going through a rough time lately.
My motivation to do something fun and productive is long gone after my cancelled class/program this month due to my work schedule conflict with one of my class for my master’s program. This bruised my heart—slightly.
I was disappointed that my work could not move my schedule around for this one class which I would be doing for one month. I know in my head its all (mostly) online class, however, during the course of my program, I would be working hand-on-hand with multiple preceptor(s) for different classes and projects that I must accomplish for me to pass my program.
For my class to be cancelled and re-scheduled for next month made me a little bit sad that I am delaying my education, yet, again. So, my motivation disappeared along with it.
June 3rd of this month, I remember this vividly—I was at work—it was a busy day which was a typical Monday at work; around 11 pm EST I had to log onto my phone and start a conference call with my instructor and the rest of my classmates for this cohort class (a mandatory class that must be taken on our first month of the program) I tried to take my break early and passed my report to my lunch buddy so she can cover my butt while I am preoccupied with this online conference class…for 2 hours! ( I was dreaming that I would be able to escape for 2 hours, who am I kidding. Impossible.)
In the back of my head, I know this was a dangerous thing to do especially at work when the patients lives are at risk, then eventually, one of my instructor saw that I was wearing my scrubs and had my stethoscope around my neck. She prompted to ask me in a private chat if I was at work and when I saw her message I could not lie to her, and I replied with a simple “yes.” She simply said to cancel my class because it was unnecessary and I was putting my patients care as second and followed to tell to me to speak to my enrollment counselor to move my start date to July.
I spoke to my counselor and my program mentor and catch them up of what happened in my cohort class. They were so accommodating and very understanding of my situation. They both said kind words to me and motivated me to forgo this reschedule and that everything is okay.
Fast forward to weeks later, I am sitting here in a coffee shop—itching to start my program again which would commence in 6 days. I am, again, ecstatic to this new change that is about to happen in my life.
I have been looking forward to start anew and make a change in my life—for the future.
My first semester back for my master’s program, I am going to be taking 14 credit hours after almost 5 years of hiatus from school. Woh!
I am scared. I am excited. I am ready to tackle this challenge. There are so many mixed emotions flowing through my brain and veins, but I know deep inside my heart— I am ready.
To those who have taken their time in going back to school, making a change in their life and aiming for the success and also, happiness—please send prayers to my way. I’m sure you know what I’m currently feeling right now.
I would drown myself in a continuous cycle of studying—aiming to ace everything (if possible.) No social life for the next 1.5 years during this program. Less family time. Less traveling. But one thing for sure is to never forget to love myself and that it is okay to be overwhelmed and need help from my friends and family and especially God when I am struggling and onto depressive state.
This will not be an easy challenge to face. I need all the prayers and God’s provision to support my soul and motivations when the going gets hard.
In the words of Mahatma Gandhi:
You must be the change you want to see in the world
This means that although life changes are inevitable, we can also initiate personal change so we can rise to the challenge and become a bigger and better person as a result.
Here’s to my future self message: Everything is going to be alright. Cheer up and Smile.