SOS

A lot of people would say doing an online program is easy—and I used to be one of those people. To be honest–it is harder than I thought and I’m only on my first month of this program.

Online program, in a sense, is easy because everything is done online, duh, and it is self-phase; no necessary deadline except you have to finish the class at a certain time period for you to be able to move forward in your chosen program. But in terms of materials and the amount of studying is the same as actually going to an in-class setting.

I should have not jinx myself by saying it easy because now, I am struggling internally with all the amount of assignment I have to do and finish before my deadlines. I feel like crying and hiding in my closet to attend to my emotional state.

It has been almost 5 years since the last time I took classes in either in-person classroom or online format; trying to get back in the groove of being a student again take so much deliberate effort and energy to read assigned books, write formal paper, and be on top of my tasks for all the classes that I’m taking while I’m trying to have my social life, spend family time and spend time with my boyfriend as well.

In trying to be top of my class (keyword: trying) I would read my assignment whilst I’m at work–of course, during my free time–and/or during my day off after my first 2-hour class, before I see my boyfriend.

Once I see my boyfriend I put my studies aside to spend time with him. To give him my full undivided attention and to also use this chance to take a mental break from the amount of informations I’ve gathered from my readings. You know enjoy the moment.

I found myself loving and hating my new found busy schedule with school. For years, I prayed to have enough courage to go back to school and have a better future. That courage never came to fruition until recently.

I always doubted my ability and fear of failure. Hence, I inhibited myself until recently–after reading a book that spoke to me– to find my purpose and to find my calling again. My inner voice sparked with so much enlightenment.

I called those years of stagnation as my failure. I’ve decided I will never wait. I will never back out for any challenges that comes my way. I will persevere to be successful even when it seems so dire, at the times.

I must take act now for a better future.

You are capable of more than you know. Choose a goal that seems right for you and strive to the best, however hard the path. Aim high. Behave honorably. Prepare to be alone at times, and to endure failure. Persist! The world needs all you can give.

E.O. Wilson

This statement spoke to me. I feel like I need quotes like this to lighten up my mood and to recharge my so called bank-of-courage. I need more mana in this domain.

I need quotes like this for a moment like NOW. I feel so overwhelmed with my classes. I am behind with my readings and my assignments. No matter how I tried to be on top with all my assignments–I have this dreading feeling of overwhelming emotions. No matter how much I study. I guess women are easily filled with fickle emotions.

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